It’s one of those things in life which we are always questioning. It doesn’t matter if you are single or in a relationship. It’s human nature. We are naturally curious individuals, and as such, we seek out the best ‘match’ for ourselves.
Finding a mate is very much like finding a suitable career, it has to have the right ‘fit’. But for many people, they spend their whole life wondering, ‘is he or she the one’?
Fret not, Tony Gaskins Jr. is here to give us foolproof advice on this issue.
GCT’s Lifestyle Journalist Despina Karp spoke to Tony Gaskins about all things relationships, marriage, love, family and personal development.
Tony Gaskins is a motivational speaker, author and life coach and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Tyra Banks Show and TBN’s 700 Club.
In 2011, he made Under30Ceo’s Top 50 Most Motivational People on the Web.
Tony helps athletes, corporates and everyday people achieve greatness through self-development.
Tony built his brand from scratch. At 22, he became an author. At 23, he became a husband and father.
At 25, Tony started his first company, Soul Writers LLC and he also got himself on globally televised shows to tell a portion of his story.
Raised in the church and being the son of a pastor, there was something about service that stuck with Tony.
Tony describes his story of personal transformation from a college football scholarship womaniser (he’d slept with 100 women by the age of 22) to a loving and loyal husband and father of two beautiful children.
Tony has been married for 14 years. He describes how he knew his wife was ‘the one’:
“The special thing about my wife is that she stood her ground. By the time I met her I had slept with over 100 women.
“My wife didn’t care about me having an 8 pack, or being tall, she didn’t care about me writing poetry, she only wanted respect. And that really changed my life because she taught me how to really treat a woman.
“The woman who ‘tamed’ me was my wife, and she pushed me into real ‘manhood’. I grew up and matured. I got my first job, 40 hours a week and we started from the ground up, together. We started at the bottom and built to where we are today”.
Tony said that the social media culture of the ‘grass is greener’ syndrome is a disaster, with people changing partners constantly and always thinking that there’s someone better out there. This is leading to many toxic personality problems and attachment issues.
“Today, there are not many real connections being made, and that’s why I do the work I do. When you lose the real connection, you lose the family foundation. And when you lose the family foundation, you lose the world.
So I’m big on monogamy. I’m big on a real relationship, especially if you are bringing children into this world, you need a stable and loving base for them. If not, just be a good citizen of the world”.
He continues, “Monogamy is a sacrifice.
A lot of people say that it’s not human nature to be with one person but I disagree. A real, genuine connection is selfless. As humans, we are selfish. We want to be served and we want everything to be about us.
“You need to shift into a space where you are always thinking about the other person. The secret is: if the man is willing to lead in love, and by that I mean treating a woman the way she deserves to be treated. Then he takes the initiative by treating her properly and then allowing her to reciprocate that love: now you got two people who are giving and receiving love, then you have a healthy and genuine union. You have a real relationship”, he said.
“Now the key to knowing if the person you’re dating or seeing is the right person for you is: does he/she make me better?
“If this person holds you accountable and speaks life into you, encourages and pushes you into your highest self, then they’re the one.
“If they say things like “start that business, get that degree, lose that weight, gain that muscle” etc then they really care about you, your health and your life. That person is the person for you, especially if you’re attracted to them!
“If you’re attracted to their look, their personality, and they are a good person, then that’s it! You’ve found the one”.
Solid and straightforward advice, wouldn’t you say?!
Tony’s words speak volumes, and in a crazy world where everyone is seeking a connection, perhaps taking some time to reflect on these wise words may help in fostering healthier relationships going forward.
To learn more about Tony Gaskins’ work, click here.
To buy Tony’s best-selling books on love, business and self-development, click here.